Thank the Maker!

*cheers* Yesss! After five days straight of screwy schedules and wonky workdays, customer craziness and other assorted work-related annoyances, I have two, whole, precious days off. I swear..this was a light week, as far as total of hours goes, but the schedule was about to kill me. Four out of my five shifts were less than four hours, all of them over mealtimes--and when I work less than four hours, I don't get a break. Which means I don't get to eat. Which means Jonathan gets very, very crazy.

Not to mention the fact that if I get a break, it kinda lets me recharge, lets me go back at it with a fresh new attitude. But when you work for three and a half hours straight without any break or respite at all, it kinda grinds on you. Okay, yes, I don't have it that hard. It's not like I'm sitting at a counter doing nothing, though. Lifting, toting, running errands, stocking shelves--it can take it out of a man! Seriously!

But, let us not dwell on working. I get two blissfully lazy days off in a row, during which I can wear normal, comfortable clothes, with pockets, and without needing to keep my shirt tucked in! Two days in which I can sit at my computer, or read, or watch West Wing without interruption, without having to watch the clock to see when I have to get ready to leave for work. Hurray, hurray I say, for DAYS OFF! Wahoo!

Oh, Give Me Patience...

For I am about to tear my freaking hair out! Oh, yes...I am having one of those nights. Gyaaah! I got home, after a long and strenous day at work, wanting nothing else than to sit down in front of my nice, new computer, and play World of Warcraft until my eyes cross. And, lo and behold, there is a new patch, fresh from Blizzard itself, sure to fix glitches, add wonderful new things, and make my life a little easier.

Oh, but what is this? The gorram patch downloader seems bound and determined that it will NOT be able to connect to the gorram patching servers. I have spent my time, since 4pm today, trying everything I know to coax it to connect. And guess what, it finally did. At the great speed of two, two, kilobytes per second. At this rate, I will be able to play the game next WEEK!

So, thwarted, I turned to a game I downloaded, by the name of Gunbound, that would surely ease my boredom. Of course, it tells me that my graphics card drivers were, sadly, not up to date enough to run this freaking little game. How can this be?! My computer is brand new!! So, here I sit, tired, bored, ready to tear my hair out, writing in my blog to ease my boredom, and my rampant frustration. Oh, alas, if only the gorram patch would download!

*sigh* I shouldn't post this late. And definitely not feeling like I do right now. Not sick, or anything like that. I think depressed is the word. Lost.


It's become obvious to me...painfully so, especially after a few conversations I've had with some friends of mine, how...directionless I am. I don't have a purpose in life, right now. I don't have a base, something to center on. It used to be my martial arts, but then...I kinda quit, for a number of reasons. As it stands, I don't feel like I'm doing anything of any value.


I mean...I work. I play my computer games, and talk with friends, watch TV...and that's pretty much it. And I don't know what to do. I don't know what will make it better...make me better. I guess that's the point. I'm not satisfied with who I am. Mom says I should learn to be content with where I'm at...but I can't accept that. All my life, I've kept moving, in a sense. Kept going, heading forwards at something. But what do you do when you've run out of goals? When the stuff you might fix on, you've given up on?

I've given up too much. Given up too much of myself, to other people, to expectations, to what's "right" or "normal". I can't shake the feeling that I gave away something important, something that would give me a clue on what to do now...and that it may be I'll never get it back. At least I'm saying it. At least I'm not stuffing it down. Writing it out here helps, some.

Too many questions. Not enough answers...